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Christian Training Series (1990)
Renewing God's Pattern For The Home: Challenge
I heard a speaker once remark, “We live in a strange world that thinks God is dead and Elvis is alive!” Man has always had a penchant for getting things backwards. Isaiah had something to say about those who called good bad and bad good.
The modern media has served as a culprit in confusion when it comes to the American family. We have been told that a family is ANY group of individuals who choose to so describe themselves. A family could be a group of divorced women (Kate and Allie) or a male housekeeper and his employer (Who’s the Boss?) and it is not far-fetched to predict homosexual relationships, which are already viewed by some as a legitimate family unit, to be so depicted in prime-time. I can only seek to re-iterate yesterday’s point, it takes courage to actively monitor the media influence on our young people.
Every family is different. A single parent family will struggle with issues that are not present in a traditional home. Some children are left, by death or abandonment, to face the mercy of this world without the aid or guidance of a true parent. However, generally the family has the benefit of some adult presence. Children balance out the picture. Here are the divisions within the traditional family. In a different context the apostle Paul stated, “For the children ought not lay up for their parents, but the parents for the children” (2 Corinthians 12:14). In these words of Paul lays a challenge to live up to the role God has established for the home. Here is the third tool that God gives us to renew his pattern for the family.
The time is the 1920’s. The place is Chicago. Edward J. O’Hare was a well-known and wealthy lawyer. Both of those traits were true, mostly because of his infamous business partner, Al Capone. Somewhere along the way O’Hare became a father and he was so proud of his son. Eventually, he came to the federal authorities offering information against Capone. They were very skeptical. He appeared to be in good standing and he certainly knew the price the mob would demand for turning on them. Before long two shotgun blasts silenced him forever. His words to the Government explained it all. He said he did not want his son, Butch, to grow up amidst the crime and corruption that surrounded him. He wanted better for his son. Although it cost him his life, he felt that was the only way he could give Butch a chance.
Buried in a book of Truth is a small passage illustrating the importance of truth, Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Compared to the Law wherein it is encountered, it may appear insignificant. Yet, Jesus said it was the key that makes the Law run (Matthew 22:37). The heart of the Law rests in Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Centuries later the Jewish historian, Josephus, wrote that the faithful Jew would begin and end each day with these words on his lips (Ant. Book 4, Ch. 8 par. 13). Each time a Pharisee was seen wearing his phylactery these words, tucked away inside, would come to mind. Indeed, a whole nation was built on these verses and the truths they declared.
When Moses first gave this challenge it was to the fathers of Israel he spoke. On the shoulders of this world’s fathers rests the future of a nation, the promises of God and the hope of eternity. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 offers sound advice for our fathers.
In Deuteronomy 6:4-9 Moses teaches from the heart fathering (in challenge of emotions). The history of this world has witnessed a seemingly endless line of father's without feelings. Society has produced men too proud to show emotion and too stubborn to show compassion. Children need to know that daddy cares, that father has feelings. The challenge of being a dad is the challenge of being a person first, a man second. We must allow our offspring to see how to handle feelings through example. Young people ought to be free, without fear, to take their feelings to dad and together find direction and stability. Men should learn to be more sensitive and caring. We need to discipline ourselves to show it! As one father said, "Don't be the man you think you should be, be the dad you wish you'd had." What good is it to live in a “Father knows best” world if our children do not know their father? He directs the affairs of the home, a shadowy image called a man! Day in and day out he gives his family the fruits of his labors: food, clothing, shelter, the necessities and luxuries. But he doesn't give them the best. He withholds the one thing they truly need: HIMSELF!
In Deuteronomy 6:4-9 Moses teaches around the clock fathering (the challenge of time). Gayle Napier, speaking at a seminar in Nashville, stated that in the 1930's families spent an average of 5 hours a day together. The vast majority of this time was in working, playing, eating and other positive activities. In the 1980's, however, the family was only together an average of 12 minutes a day and most of that time was spent on negative pursuits. Schedules are too full, often with events not really necessary, and the children are left to fend for themselves through the thin cracks of the family itinerary! There is a running debate over the family’s use of time. Debates are very useful in developing camps. So with this discussion two camps emerged. Camp one: quality time. Camp two: quantity time. The observant is then led to believe that one must choose between camps. This is a lie. There is no such division. It is impossible to have true quality time without building up significant quantity time. The key seems to be in having a large quantity of quality time! The challenge lies in the fact that time comes in only 24-hour increments. We have just created a new camp: decision time!
Choices are demanded. Priorities must be arraigned. Sacrifices on the side of the temporal must be made for the sake of the eternal. William L. Brownell wrote: "Many a son has lost his way among strangers because his father was too busy to get acquainted with him." Someone in our children's life will have the time to lead them astray, the very time we decided couldn't be spared to lead them right! The focus of this camp is not on what the children receives but what you are willing to give! Morris Chalfant wrote, in an article entitled Father - it is time to take charge, "If America hopes to halt the tide of divorce and homosexuality that is sweeping our land, strong men will have to provide their families the responsible leadership they need." That is a commitment that demands time. It cannot be accomplished with only a few minutes a week. It will require taking time to walk and talk with our children along their paths of life. Being a father is an investment of involvement.
In Deuteronomy 6:4-9 Moses teaches down the road fathering (the challenge of spiritual preparation). Intertwined with the amount of time a family spends together (quantity) is the element of why they spend this time together (quality). Nurturing is draining out of that time every ounce of opportunity to train our children to be better people. It is the creation of an environment that is conducive to growth. It includes watering and pruning. One is providing for needs and the other controls by cutting. Discipline provides in these same ways. Too often discipline is understood as punishment, negative training. In the same article previously mentioned, Morris Chalfant wrote, "Some men think they are leaders of their homes, but they are really only self-willed bullies who push their wives and children around.” Paul instructed fathers to not provoke their children to wrath, “but to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). To hear children being told, “I hate you” or “I wish you had never been born” is a flagrant violation of God’s command, the Christian character and the basic sense of moral decency. It does, however, reveal the need this world’s families have to renew God’s pattern in the home.
Nurturing is explaining the Artist behind the sunset and pointing to the Sculptor behind the mountains. It is explaining the meaning of life when a question emerges through the brief window of childish wonder. This requires the sharpening of listening skills. The story is told of a young man, some years back, seeking a job as a telegraph operator. He was very nervous as he went for the interview and even more so when he arrived to find a crowed room of applicants anxiously waiting to be interviewed. He stood to patiently wait his turn but after just a moment made his way into the office of the manager. The others who had been waiting all morning became quite upset that they had been bypassed. After just a few minutes the manager emerged and announced that the position had been filled. Then he explained. All morning we have been tapping out a signal to each one of you in this room. The message was simply this: “If you can understand this, come back to my office and the job is yours!” Fathers need the skill of being willing and able to listen to their children, their verbal and nonverbal messages. Only then will they be able to carry out the nurturing of their children, as a father should.
Nurture is found in the refusal to give an easy answer so that a young mind can search and find answers for themselves, all the while guiding that search with a touch almost invisible. Nurturing is listening and learning through living!
God knew that children would need Someone secure and strong To shelter and protect them And to teach them right from wrong. Someone to take pride in And look up to as a guide Someone they could count on And in whom they could confide. He knew as children grow up They need the reassurance Of someone with faith and trust in them Who would always give them love. And That's why God made fathers.
Take a man and remove some of his hair, add some padding around the waist and put him in a La-z-Boy and the world is satisfied to call him a father. But God takes him and softens his heart, straightens his priorities and sharpens his senses to the needs of his family and the will of God, and that is what God calls a father.
On February 20, 1942 a lone fighter pilot was trailing nine Japanese bombers who were heading for the U. S. Lexington, and aircraft carrier. The pilot knew that if they were to be stopped he would have to be the one to do it. As he closed in five enemy planes fell to the Pacific. As he opened fire on the sixth his ammunition was depleted. Just then his comrades came and took out the remaining aircrafts. The pilot became the first naval aviator to be personally awarded the Medal of Honor by the President. About a year later his plane was shot down in battle and the young pilot perished. The pride sparked by his heroism was not forgotten by his hometown, where a memorial was built for him, the Chicago O’Hare International Airport! His father, gangster turned government informer, had given Butch a chance (Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1985, 13-14).
Where are the fathers who will have the courage to arise to God’s challenge? The importance of this role must not be overlooked because it is through the interaction with the father that the child’s understanding of God emerges. What comes to the mind of your children when they hear the name “father” is probably what will come to their mind as they think of God, the Heavenly Father. Looking back through the pages of history we can see today what God saw so clearly in the book of Deuteronomy: Israel's unfaithfulness. They would go into captivity. They would turn away from this one God. They would neglect to teach and train their children. It is a haunting cry that arises from the closing chapters of Deuteronomy: "Do you thus deal with the Lord, o foolish and unwise people? Is he not your Father, who bought you? (32:6). Deuteronomy 6:4-9 are the words of a heartbroken Father to his wayward children. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is advice from the Father! His advice held forth hope, but that hope was neglected.
Into this world Jesus came to renew that hope. As he walked the dusty roads of Galilee the resurrected Lord gave deeper meaning of that often used but seldom understood text. For Jesus Deuteronomy 6 must have held special significance because of His appreciation God, His Father (Matthew 6:9). In Christ we now have an Old Testament truth coupled with New Testament power to give us the opportunity to fulfill God's challenge to be the kind of father to our children that God designed us to be! With God's help we can lead our children through this life and ultimately to God!
Mothers. One passage that helps us understand the vital role of mothers is that written by Paul in 1 Timothy 2:15. Do you remember Jonah, sitting and pouting on the outskirts of Nineveh? He reminds me of many of our “liberated” world when this passage is read or taught. Society has advanced far beyond Paul's time. His thoughts are out-dated, old-fashioned and without relevance to the modern scene, or so we are told. Those who are enlightened find much amusement that times were ever so dark to produce such words. Even Bible "scholars" have concluded that Paul really didn't mean what he said or that he must have been suffering from some sort of mental lapse. Some suggest he even hated women!
As we approach the text today we must first ask the question, “What is Paul not teaching?” He is NOT teaching THAT A WOMAN MUST MARRY TO BE SAVED! He taught the women at Corinth just the opposite (1 Corinthians 7)!
He is NOT teaching THAT A WOMAN MUST BEAR OFFSPRING TO BE SAVED! To have children outside the marriage union would require an immoral act, something that is strictly forbidden.
He is NOT teaching THE ACT OF GIVING BIRTH SAVES! Some women, due to no fault of their own, are not able to conceive and bear children. Would these be excluded from salvation just because they are infertile? Many clear passages teach that only one avenue of human response holds the promise of salvation (Acts 2:38; 22:16; 1 Pet. 3:21).
If the apostle was not teaching any of those concepts, what IS he teaching in 1 Timothy 2:15? He is merely saying that here is how you can be successful at motherhood. This is her challenge to renew God’s pattern for the family. Paul lists four traits.
FAITH. She must continue in her role by faith. Paul recognizes that there is a higher authority, a greater ideal than human wisdom. The fidelity of a mother is to rest first and foremost with God. The result will be a life reflecting this reliance upon Jesus. A mother’s role is a busy one. One day a man came home from work early and noticed his wife playing in the yard with their son. They were playing cowboys and Indians. The boy shot and the mother fell to the ground. The man watched with amusement until he realized his wife was not getting up. He ran to her aid but when he tried to help her up she refused. She opened one eye and whispered, “Shhh! Do not give me away. It is the only chance I’ve had to rest all day.” It seems a great temptation to be caught up in the motion, the “busy-ness” of life, and not take time the to emphasize the area of faith.
LOVE. Here is that same trait that has come up throughout the week. It is impossible to have a home as God planned without this characteristic. Unconditional love and unwavering acceptance make a house a home. Love is concern for others without thought for self. To many of us, love is synonymous with the word “mother.” Love is learned, ultimately, from God. Love is the power behind discipline. This training, both positive and negative reinforcement, is prompted by true love. In a survey, reported by Dr. James Dobson’s Focus on the Family Bulletin (May 1989), sponsored by the University of Michigan’s Institute of Social Research, a group of mothers in Detroit, Michigan were asked the same questions as some mothers from Muncie, Indiana had been asked in 1924. These women were asked to list the three most important traits they sought to instill in their children. The result? The greatest response in 1924 was loyalty to church (50%). Running a close second was strict obedience (45%). Today the key lesson is to be independent (76%) with tolerance finishing second (47%). Many, when it is too late for their own children to be reclaimed, will long for the days when love was a staple in the family. With God's pattern for the family, it always was!
HOLINESS. Paul is calling to mind a mother who is pure in life and thought. One who is not ruled by sinful motives. Such a mother has guarded well the influences that have been allowed to shape her lifestyle. She has protected her children's purity as well.
SELF-CONTROL. Here is someone who is in her right mind, balanced in both behavior and emotions. The outrage that erupts in many homes when things are not right is absent here. A rational approach is evident. This person keeps in mind what OUGHT to be and works towards it rather than allow herself to be taken in by a strong emotional response to what is. She reacts to the eternal needs rather than the immediate ones.
The home should be a trying ground for the mastering of the Spirit’s fruit and the destruction of the works of the flesh. Such an endeavor is always a challenge, no less so in the family. Women need to learn as much as possible from godly examples in the Bible and from those with valuable tips to share in the church. Parents need to be students: of the Bible, of the good literature available on relevant topics regarding the home, of each other, and of their children. Only then will they be truly equipped to guide and lead their youth.
This lesson is powerfully taught in the life of a well-known man. He had it made. His mere wish seemed to become reality. Prosperity. Prestige. Power. King David. The giant killer. The man after God’s own heart. But one thing that David desired was withheld from him. To many today it would seem a frivolous and foolish thing but to David it was his life’s crowning victory. A Temple. How better to honor the God who had honored David? No ordinary house would do. It must reflect, as much as possible, the glory of God. But God said no (2 Samuel 7).
David had been a man of war. God promised that peace would come and David’s son would sit on the throne. In this peace forged by David, Solomon would be permitted to bring into being his father’s desire. The real task before David was not a temple, it was his son. David saw his need to equip his child to realize that which is of everlasting importance, to set goals that when attained would bring glory and honor to God.
David laid the plans for the Temple, gathered the materials for the house of God and taught Solomon the importance of doing things according to the divine instruction of God (1 Chronicles 28). We will be held responsible for nothing less towards our children! We must lay the plans for the paths our children are to walk. A child cannot be taught to live right by seeing his parents live wrong. We must be honest enough to share our success and failures with our children and live a wholesome example before them.
An arrest was made in an American city. The drug dealer, arrested with three bags of crack cocaine and $226 cash, suddenly became the focus of community attention. He was led into the courtroom, handcuffed and carrying a Marvel comic book. His lawyer requested that he be released in the custody of family and friends who attended the proceedings, but the judge refused and ordered that the proper authorities hold him until his trial. “The boy seemed not to understand right away. Then – for the first time in a long, grueling day – he cried” (New York Times, January 21, 1989). He was ten years old (Adventure Club Newsletter, David C. Cook, Publ. Co.).
We must gather the materials for the house of God by serving Him first. Jesus said that we must not lay up for ourselves treasures upon the earth were they will not last, but we should have treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:19-21). The church in the New Testament IS the house of God (1 Timothy 3:15). Parents who have no interest in experiencing the joy of New Testament Christianity are training their children also to fail to walk in the path of service towards God.
We must teach our children the truth of God’s word. 227 million children are without adequate food. 417 million do not have proper shelter. 605 million are not provided for medically as their needs demand. But two out of three children in the United States of America do not attend Bible classes. This world desperately needs the morality contained in the Bible. Humanity needs the stability and assurance only pure and simple trust in God’s revelation can bring. To overcome Satan’s strong attacks our youth need to be able to stand behind the shield of God’s power (Ephesians 6:16). Parents need to expose their children to this key of success. Honest and sincere Bible study promotes unity (John 17:21) and not division. This comes about when the Lord’s will is sought from study rather than our own preconceived conclusions “proven.”
We must help parents prepare their children for this kind of success. This last tool is a challenge to employ the others, commitment and courage. It is important because the time is short.
My hands were busy through the day I didn't have much time to play The little games you asked me to I didn't have much time for you. I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook But when you'd bring your picture book And ask me please to share your fun I'd say "A little later, hon." I'd tuck you in all safe at night And hear your prayers, turn out the light; Then tiptoe softly to the door I wish I'd stayed a minute more. For life is short, the years rush past A little child grows up so fast. No longer standing at your side With precious secrets to confide The picture books are put away There are no longer games to play. No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear, That all belongs to yesteryear. My hands once busy, now are still The days are long and hard to fill I wish I could go back and do The little things you asked me to.
-- Author Unknown
It is vital because it is God’s pattern for the family and He is counting on us to renew it.
David Bragg Cape Girardeau, MO July 12, 1990
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David Bragg
Memoirs of a Martyr
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only
begotten Son" |
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