It is not a compliment to be called a Pharisee.  To us it is a by word, an appellation of contempt, a charge of a harsh and unloving attitude.  Such a person is blind to his own faults and shortcomings while being intolerant of the imperfections of others.  Jesus denounced the religious leaders of His time associated with this Jewish sect as hypocrites.  This is only one of the reasons why they held Him under near constant surveillance.  With a watchful and envious eye they monitored His daily moves, not seeking His insight but His life.  Luke records, “As he went away from there, the scribes and the Pharisees became very hostile, and began to draw him out on many subjects, lying in wait for him, in order to catch him in his speech” (Luke 11:53-54, McCord).  Mark adds, “Then the Pharisees went out and immediately plotted with the Herodians (another Jewish sect supporting the Romans) against him, how they might destroy him” (Mark 3:6).

These attempts where somewhat covert at first.  Their concern was couched in the supposed violation of the Law, working on the Sabbath.  Jesus’ disciples had picked some grain for lunch while passing through a field on the Holy Day, and Jesus had Himself healed a man in the synagogue from his distorted hand (Matthew 12).  But time for such secret activities was short and their desire to have Jesus out of their hair quickly gave way to more open and vicious attacks.  These cunning men turned to entrapment.

Taxes have always been a sore spot among the human race.  It was even more so with the Hebrew citizens of first century Judea.  Here was a perfect issue to serve as a trap for the Nazarene prophet.  Jesus was carefully placed between the issue of supporting a Gentile government that the Jews hated and that very government that demanded the tax payment (Matthew 22:11-ff).  Jesus was prepared for their trickery.  Cutting to the heart of the matter, as well as to the insincerity of His questioners, the Lord pointed to the image on a coin, indicating its association with Rome.   Man also bears an “imprint” (Genesis 1:26).  Give to God that which bears His image, and to man that which is his!  Where Hhis enemies focused on envy and impure motives, Jesus focused on a strong and sincere relationship with God.

Ranking right up there with taxes is the issue of death.  The questioner stepped up from the crowd on cue and put forth a delicate query on the subject of the resurrection, a question that had been making the rounds in religious circles for generations yielding no satisfactory answer (Matthew 22:23-ff).  The very way it was phrased indicates the passion with which this point had been contended.  Being outdone on the social issue they next hemmed in Jesus between the leading authorities on religion.  Whichever way He turned Jesus was certain to isolate Himself from the opposing party.  Jesus’ reply was accurate and penetrating.  He stood with neither, just with God!  The Word is clear on the fact of the resurrection, which the Sadducees denied.  But also the Word is unmistakable on the nature of the resurrection, which the Pharisees had failed to properly teach.

Perhaps the problem rested in the fact that two alternatives are just too easy for Jesus to get around.  With pride the next questioner steps forward and asks what he is confident will ensnare Jesus.  “Which is the greatest commandment?” (Matthew 22:36-ff) he asks.”  They had said that the Law contained at least 613 commandments.  Jesus was now placed between the various multitudes of possibilities that may be proposed by the individual Jew’s favorite preacher.  There was no way He could please them all.  Theoretically, if Jesus picked one he had opened Himself up on 612 sides.  But the Lord again revealed the folly of His opponents.  “Love God,” He said.

It is truly amazing how man persists in a losing proposition.  Their tactics in Matthew 22 were not new, neither had they proven successful in the past.  Matthew 19:1-3 is a classic example of the unsavory practice of entrapment.  Jesus was set up between the school of Rabbi Shammai and the school of Hillel over the subject of divorce.  The pain generated in today’s world is not likely to be greater that that felt in Matthew 19.

The discussion revolved around the meaning of the phrase “some unseemly thing” in Deuteronomy 24.  Shammai said it meant only adultery.  Hillel insisted that it meant any reason at all.  If you find someone better, cuter, or a better cook the dissatisfied husband may proceed with a divorce.  If you have to deal with a wife who talks so loud the neighbors can hear her in a house down the street the conditions are met.  All eyes were on Jesus.  What would He say?  Which would He pick?  Which side of the issue can turn away from Jesus muttering that He is a false teacher and not the true Messiah?  Again, Jesus just pointed to God.

Why have we not treated this text fairly?  It is rare to hear people discuss the other entrapment passage as fervently and vehemently as this one has been handled.  Yet, they all serve the same purpose and that is to point the listener, or reader, to God and to reveal His will.  Therefore, Matthew 19, along with the other New Testament passages that deal with marriage and the family, lay out for us God’s will in a clear and unmistakable manner.  We can come here with confidence.  Just as you would use a blueprint to build a house, here is the foundation blueprint from God to build a home.  God’s pattern for the family must not be abandoned.  It must rather be renewed.

The issues have clouded and obscured the truth.  Emotions have uprooted reason.  Scriptures have been twisted to prove a position already adopted.  Our homes have suffered due to the loss of God’s pattern in the confusion of the battle.  I am not saying the debate over marriage-divorce-remarriage is not valid.  I am saying that perhaps some have been guilty of neglecting the teachings of this passage because of the feared controversy man has derived from it.  Our families deserve more.  Our homes need these vital truths from God’s Word as a foundation for our Christian families.

Foundation number one: truth.  "Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female" (Matthew 19:4).  Jesus pointed to God’s original pattern for the home.  Truth finds its origin in God.   God is its source.  This is true even on the subject of marriage and the family.  David wrote, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1).  When building, build with a purpose, build on the pedestal of Truth.

Every situation is different and the more personal the situation the more difficult it is to remain objective.  Not wishing to bring undue attention to anyone in particular, I have chosen to illustrate with one who willingly offers himself for our discussion.  In the September 29, 1989 issue of USA Weekend, a newspaper supplement found in the Southeast Missourian (and many other local newspapers), the well-known talk-show host Larry King shares his story of his previous failed marriages as he prepares to marry Julie Alexander.  Listen to what Mr. King has to say about his relationships:  “I married (my second wife) because she had two young children at home, I had a young daughter, and we felt it was right.  If (it had not been for the children), we would have lived together because times had changed.  But we felt we ought to do it RIGHT.”  He realized that there is truth!  There is a right way!  Truth calls for commitment to do the right thing in the right way, God’s way.

Foundation number two: trust.  "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife" (Matthew 19:5a).  The marriage relationship is held tightly by trust and loyalty.  In fact, the bond with one’s parent is superceded by a greater loyalty to one’s mate.  Trust and fidelity are the issues.  Solomon said that “the heart of the husband should rest safely in his wife and that she should do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11-12).

The desire to roam from mate to mate is unreasonable and the consequences predictable, as the following letter dramatically illustrates.

  Dear Abby:

How about a letter from a “winner”?  My married lover left his wife for me!

    I was told that I wasn’t breaking up anything; his marriage was dead long before he even met me.  His wife had gotten fat.  I was married too, but I assured him that my marriage was also over – my husband had gotten dull and boring.

    So I divorced my boring husband and he divorced his chubby wife.  Oh, yes, we both had children, but we explained that we were in love and when they were older they would understand.

    Our marriage was a dream come true.  No more lying and sneaking around.  At long last we were legally man and wife for all the world to see.

    Our apartment was filled with modern furniture and old-fashioned guilt.  And plenty of doubt and mistrust.

    Two years later he was meeting someone new.  I told him he was a liar and cheat.  He said it took one to know one.

    And by the way, he’s gotten a little dull and boring, and I’ve put on a little weight.

                        A Winner.

The adage is true, if he will cheat with you he will cheat on you!  God’s pattern is reasonable, it rests on trust.  This foundation, as pictured by Jesus, requires a building process over a period of time.  To maintain it demands a lifetime of careful attention because it can be destroyed in a careless, unguarded moment.  When trust is shaken it should not be abandoned, which is the mistake too many modern couples make.  Instead it should be more closely attended until it is restored.  Then it will be even stronger then before.

Trust demands a commitment.  I saved an article from a church bulletin stating that in the city of Dallas, TX the trash collectors are required to undergo an intensive three-week training program before starting to work.  Yet some want to enter into a lifetime commitment with someone they just met?  In the most recent case for Larry King, the courtship spanned only 89 days.  That alone does not doom a marriage but if trust is not a foundation of the family the outcome is bleak.

Foundation number three:  transparency.  "The two shall become one flesh, ... so then, they are no longer two but one flesh" (Matthew 19:5b-6a).  One flesh calls to mind the physical union addressed in Hebrews 13:4.  Embodied with this idea is the concept of openness, transparency.  The union, lifted up on the truth and bound by trust creates transparency.  The result is a shared life that reaches far beyond the physical, to their personality (emotional) and spirituality.  I remember reading a bulletin article entitled, “Are You Married to the Wrong Person?”  As I finished the article the thought refused to leave me.  Perhaps that very question by-passes the Christian response.  Transparency brings one to ask, is my mate married to the wrong person?  Transparency within the family is a trait wrought through commitment.

Foundation number four: temporary.  "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6b).  This is not quite the idea Cleveland Yelder, of Birmingham, AL had of “temporary marriages.”  He was married 17 times (Magnolia Messenger, June 1989).  Larry King, in the article mentioned previously, shared his thoughts on this point as well:  “You know, I worry about people who marry only once.  You mean to tell me you could meet someone at age twenty and that person fulfills all your needs, all your life?  Something’s wrong with that.”  Another writer tells of a successful businessman’s view of the family:  “Reaching the level of business success that I have requires total commitment.  If your family is too demanding, get a new family.  That’s what I did …”  (Tim Kimmel, Little House on the Freeway, 31).  When I say the marriage bond is temporary I mean only that it is valid as long as the binder does not absolve it.

While attending a seminar on the family in Nashville recently, one speaker made a comment that caught my attention.  He was talking of the stages of marriage.  The first stage was dependence.  In this stage the desire of each mate in the new union is to make the other person happy.  The second stage is independence.  In this stage members struggle to convey their own personal identity and needs.  Conflict is a natural companion for such tendencies.  The third stage is interdependence.  Here lies an awareness of mutual need of the couple.  Finally, the fourth stage is intimacy, a true closeness.  Then the speaker made an interesting observation.  Too often the marriage is broken at stage two and not allowed to grow naturally to intimacy.  The result is a continual cycle of losing.  This is “the easy way out” compared to God’s plan.

    Sidney would come home from word drained.  But three hungry children had to be fed.  Over the years he had become fairly efficient.  Little, eager hands would do a childish job of setting the table while his tired hands worked over the stove.  Laughs and lectures would make the dinner ritual more than substance for the body – it was also an investment in a lifetime.

    Dishes would be washed, clean pajamas would replace the clothes that bore the marks of a day of adventures, and stories and prayers would help sleepy eyes drift from the cares of the day to the quiet and safety of slumber.

    That’s when Sidney would retire to the back corner of the house.  He’d say goodbye to the day nurse and then complete the rest of his evening ritual.  A catheter bag had to be emptied and a bedpan had to be offered.  He would take a clean washcloth and warm water to wash the face of his bride.  It had been a couple of years since the accident.  Yet his vows were clear:  “For better or for worse.”  It could have been him who had been hit by the drunk.  Instead, it was the woman he loved.

    He would tell her all the good things about his day, never the worries.  He knew that she loved music, so he’d hum her a few tunes from their past.  Then he’d look into her eyes and tell her what he told her every night before she went to sleep and every morning when she woke up.

    “I love you, honey.  You’re my life, my love, and my wife.” (Tim Kimmel, Little House on the Freeway, 163).

Marriage has always been one of man’s preludes to glory.  God said of Abraham, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him” (Genesis 18:19).  Years later the Hebrew writer spoke of those faithful men and women, including Abraham, with these words:

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.   For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country.   And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned.   But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city (Hebrews 11:13-16).

The marriage bold is only temporary when compared with the eternal things of God.   When this view of temporary marriage replaces the popular view currently embraced by society, real progress will be noticed in renewing God’s plan for the family.  Then couples will stop viewing the marriage union like a vacation:  “If the weather gets bad or the fun starts to fade we can always back out!”  The temporary marriage calls for commitment “until death parts us” (infidelity is also offered as a legitimate but not necessarily automatic severance of the marriage bond; Matthew 19:9).

To renew God’s pattern for the family, husbands and wives must pull out the heavy machinery and go to work on their marriages.  The first tool that must be used to shore up the weak and galling walls is the tool that embodies Jesus’ reply in Matthew 19, commitment.   One minister found a good way to stress this to newly married couples.  He invites the bride to pull a rope to ring the church bell, marking the joyous occasion of their marriage.  Of course, he makes sure she will be unable to ring the bell although she pulls with all her might.  Turning to the groom the preacher asks him to assist his new bride.  Together, grasping the rope they pull and the bell sends sweet tones across the valley.  “As you go out into life,” the admonition begins, “never forget to pull together and your marriage will be strong.”

Once the couple has made this vital investment in their marriage a greater truth will be discovered.  They have made a significant investment in the families of their children and grandchildren. But in the meanwhile, children pay the price as countess numbers of them are pitted by parent against parent and fall hopelessly through the cracks of divorce.  What a terrible price is paid for the absence of commitment in the family.  What a tragic cost for those who do not seek to renew God’s pattern for their family.

David Bragg

Cape Girardeau, MO

July 10, 1990

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David Bragg

Memoirs of a Martyr
A study (13 lessons) of the life and writings of Simon Peter.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only

begotten Son"
(John 3:16)

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